Monday, October 08, 2007

Notebook Entry #32A

• If I were to describe my family history, I would say that it is dysfunctional intertwined with unconditional love. Which is to say that I, too, am dysfunctional intertwined with unconditional love. That love is both love I get and love I give. But I don't feel sorry for my family. I feel grateful. Grateful for the ones who wouldn't let me follow the paths of dead friends and dead family.
• I've often debated whether or not people are a product of their environment, and I'm no smarter on the subject now than I've ever been. What I do know is that the methed-out, the cracked-out, people of my adulthood could've--no, should've--been much more. As children we played sports together, went to the same schools, ate food at each other's table, and now, we merely wave (sometimes) as we pass by.
• Some people have a resiliency about them that will not allow failure. Is it ingrained into a person's makeup, like DNA dictates the color of your eyes and hair? I see glimpses of brilliance in many native youth. Yet too often I pretend to look the other way.